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1985
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Charity and I were on our own by now and planning to leave Minot and move to Fargo so I
took her to the doctor for a check-up and to get the name of a good pediatrician in
Fargo. When he listened to Charity's chest he said he heard a slight murmur but that
we shouldn't be concerned as many children have them and grow out of them. I didn't
want to take any chances so when we got to Fargo I took her to the Crippled Children's
Services and they did an echocardiogram, an electrocardiogram and a chest x-ray. Her
new physician, Dr. Attwood, looked at the test results and told us Charity had something
more than just a simple heart murmur. He wanted to do a heart catheterization which
was scheduled on Charity's fourth birthday. After the test Dr. Attwood told us
Charity had cardiomyopathy but that she wasn't sick and seemed stable. He thought we
could just see how she does and have her checked periodically. |
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1986
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On May 1st Head start called to tell me to pick Charity up because they thought she had
the flu. When I got there Charity's lips were blue and she couldn't keep her eyes
focused on me. I ran her to the emergency room where they discovered she had a very
rapid heart rate. She was admitted to the hospital and put in the Intensive Care
Unit until she was stable. Dr. Attwood discussed Charity's condition with a heart
specialist in Omaha and made an appointment for her to go there right away for a heart
biopsy.
We drove to Omaha where Charity had a total of three heart
biopsies. Except for two nights I stayed with her the whole time. The
hospitalization was a difficult ordeal. When they came in to take her blood every
morning she screamed. Once they turned to me and meanly said, "Mamm, you need
to hold her down so we can take her blood."
As I leaned over Charity to hold her the tears were coming down
and there was fear all over her face. My heart broke when she turned to me and
pleaded, "Mom, please don't let them hurt me again. Please, Mom!" I
wish the memory of that day wasn't still so clear in my mind.
When Charity was released from the hospital the doctor told us
she had cardiomyopathy and Wolf-Parkinson-White Syndrome or WPW. She was started on
inderal but had such terrible nightmares from it where she would wake up screaming that
the doctor changed it to a different medication. He also advised me to restrict her
from any vigorous physical activity.
After we got back to Fargo I went to the library and read up on
Charity's condition. She was four years old then and wanted to learn how to ride a
bike so badly but I couldn't let her. She was so sad and couldn't understand why she
had to have something wrong with her. It broke my heart to see her that way so I
decided it was more important that she lived as a child should. It was more
important that she laughed, played, and lived, instead of being kept safe under my
wing and never being allowed to do the things that kids do. So Charity did just
that. She learned to ride her bike; she took swimming lessons; she did gymnastics;
and of course, she danced. |
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1987
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When Charity was six years old she got sick. She threw up a lot and had a
fever. I went to the drugstore to get some Tylenol and pedialyte and saw this
stuffed clown on the shelf. I couldn't resist the urge to buy it for Charity.
I brought it home and that night she slept with that stuffed clown. The next day she
felt so much better. Charity was sure it was because of the clown and named it
"the Curing Clown." After that, every time she got sick she would get out
her Curing Clown and tuck it under her at night while she slept.
Charity was always so nurturing. There was a time when she
was 14 years old and I was really sick. She waited on me and made sure I was taken
care of. She even brought me her Curing Clown and told me to hold it on the area
that hurt. She assured me that by morning I would feel better. After Charity
died her grandpa found out he had lung cancer. When he was in the hospital I brought
him the Curing Clown because I knew that's what Charity would have done. |
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1988
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After our stay in Omaha Charity was treated at MeritCare Clinic in Fargo. Her
regular checkups usually consisted of a chest x-ray, an echocardiogram, an
electrocardiogram and a holter monitor. A holter monitor is a device that is
connected to the patient and records their heart rhythm for 24 hours on a tape. When
Charity was little MeritCare didn't have a child-sized monitor so she had to wear the
adult one which was the size of a large box. She was suppose to carry on her normal
daily activities while she had the monitor on but that was pretty hard to do. The
tape recorder part bumped against her so much when she walked that it actually bruised her
leg. Imagine a little girl carrying around this big box which is connected to her
chest by several wires.
One time when Charity was six years old and was wearing "the
box" we went to the store. People looked twice at her and she saw a few young
kids who pointed at her and then asked their parents what was wrong with her. As
soon as we left the store and got to our car Charity started to cry. She said,
"I'll never stare at someone who looks different ever again." And she
never did. She had compassion and respect for other people especially if they looked
different from everyone else. |
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1992
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Charity truly enjoyed helping other people. She enjoyed making them smile and
laugh. When she was 11 years old she desperately wanted to be a volunteer at the
children's hospital but we were told she was too young. I asked them if she could if
I went with her and they said yes. So we both volunteered. Charity read and
played games with the sick kids at the hospital and they all seemed to enjoy her being
there. One little girl even asked Charity to hold the emesis basin for her while she
vomited. Just the thought of that was enough to make Charity sick to her stomach but
unselfishly she did what the little girl asked. |
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1993
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Charity told me she always wished she and I could buy a little house together.
"A real home," she would say, instead of always living in apartments. One
day in the spring of 1993 I heard that the city of Moorhead, MN (just across the river
from Fargo) was going to move five homes it owned onto some vacant land. If you
liked one you could sign up to buy it. The city would then draw names to determine
who would get each house but the lucky winner would still have to arrange for their own
loan.
Charity and I liked this one little blue house. It had two
bedrooms and a quaint, old-fashioned design. There were hardwood floors in the
bedrooms and a small built-in china hutch. It was being sold for $40,000 and there
was no yard so the winner would also have to put in grass. Over two hundred people
signed up to buy that little blue house. Well, one day the city of Moorhead called
me and said my name had been drawn. After a lot of talking and hard work I was
finally approved for a loan so we got the house. Charity was so excited.
Charity was with her dad the weekend we moved in. Two
friends helped me paint the inside of the entire house and then we moved the furniture in
the next day. When Charity's dad dropped her off Sunday afternoon she cried because
she was so happy. We finally had a home of our own.
Our new house had electric baseboard heaters which didn't put out
a lot of heat so in the winter we often sat on the couch and snuggled under our quilt
together to keep warm. It was about this time that Charity started sleeping with
me. I was still reading to her every night and after the story we said our prayers
and I would tuck her into her own bed. A few hours later though she would be
sleeping next to me. She had a hard time breathing when she laid down and would get
scared so she crawled in bed with me.
One day, years later, after I was remarried and we lived in a big
new house Charity said to me, "Mom, I know that we have a really nice house and
everything, but I miss the days when it was just you and me in our tiny blue house, having
to keep warm under the blankets together." You don't know how much I miss that
now too, Charity. |
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1994
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After being followed for a few years the doctors in Fargo thought that Charity would
eventually need a heart transplant and since that wasn't available there we were referred
to the Mayo Clinic. We had been going to Mayo for a little over two years when
Charity's cardiologist, Dr. Porter, said it was time to get her on a transplant
list. Charity was adamant about not missing school so we waited until the first week
in June to schedule the week long series of appointments and tests that were necessary to
become a heart transplant candidate.
The first day of testing was emotionally and physically
draining. By 3:00 PM we were both ready to quit, Charity more than I. My
mom had just driven in from Eau Claire, WI to offer her support which was a big lift for
both of us. The next day, Tuesday, was better and by Wednesday we were
told Charity didn't need to finish the remaining tests. She was doing so well
the doctors opted to not put her on the transplant list at that time. We were all so
happy. Charity, Mom and I took off for Eau Claire to tell Grandpa the good news.
On Sunday we drove back to Fargo and the next day, June 15th, I
went into the hospital for open-heart surgery. They had found a 1-1/2 inch hole in
the atrial septal wall of my heart that needed to be patched. To determine if
Charity had, some how, inherited her heart condition from me they had done an
echocardiogram on me and found the hole completely by surprise. It had been there my
whole life and I never knew it. I told Charity she saved my life because if she
hadn't gotten sick with cardiomyopathy the hole in my heart may not have been found until
it was too late to fix it or until a serious complication had already occurred.
My operation was on my 33rd birthday and Mom, Dad and Charity
were all there. While I was in the hospital Charity never left my side and even
slept there at night. Once I was out of the woods Dad had to leave but Mom
stayed to help take of Charity and me while I recovered.
I remember one time, before my surgery, Charity was so
distressed. She was scared to have a transplant and was afraid she would lose me
because of the hole in my heart. I told her God would always look out for us.
If we prayed and believed in Him everything would be okay. In order to help her
understand better I got an empty shoe box. I asked her to take both of my hands and
hold them over the box. I told her to close her eyes and pray with me. We
prayed together out loud that God would take all of our problems. We then put the
cover on the box and wrapped it in pretty paper and put a Christmas tag on it that read:
To: God
From: Our troubles. Please take them.
Then we went to the church when no one else was there and took the box up to the
altar. We knelt down and said a prayer and left without our box of troubles. |
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1995
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We took a trip to get away from the North Dakota winter. For something different we
choose San Francisco and ran into a week of cold rainy weather. We signed up to take
a tour of Alcatraz prison and rode the ferry boat out to the island. From where the
boat drops you off up to the actual prison is a long walk up a long hill. The day we
were there it was a cold and wet walk as well. By the time Charity reached the top
she was soaked to the bone. She had to be tired and chilled as well but never
complained once. She finished the tour and the boat ride back to Fisherman's Wharf
without saying a word about the miserable conditions. |
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1996
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Charity made friends quite easily and was always liked by her teachers. I don't mean
to brag but she was quite popular with the other kids at school. Once when she was
in junior high she noticed these two guys, who were also popular boys, teasing and making
fun of another boy who was a little heavy. Charity knew the boy who was being teased
because she had him in one of her classes. She considered him a friend and couldn't
stand by and let him be hurt that way. So Charity went up to the two boys and told
them off. They stopped and apologized to Charity but she said, "You shouldn't
be apologizing to me. You need to apologize to him." Which they did
because they didn't want her to be mad at them. Charity was always there for the
person that no one else wanted to be friends with. She had such a gentle heart. |
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1996
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Charity and I knew for a long time that she would not be able to carry a child. The
doctors told us that pregnancy could be fatal. This limitation hurt her more than
any other because she really wanted to have children some day. I told her that
sometimes the experts are wrong and that maybe by the time she was old enough to have kids
she would be better. I wanted her to keep dreaming. Now, some people might
think I was wrong to do that but a part of me really did believe she could get better.
After I remarried in September '95 we told Charity that we wanted
to have a baby. Well, she was so excited, but really didn't like the idea of us
actually trying and said, "When you decide to try, let me know so I can go stay with
Grandma and Grandpa for the night." How sweet and innocent she was. I
still smile when I think about that day.
It was June '96 when we first found out I was pregnant. We
had gone to Mayo Clinic for Charity's check-up. While we were there I became short
of breath and started having severe chest pains. I went to the emergency room and
was given morphine and had an x-ray scan and was diagnosed with pericarditis. I
did have a pregnancy test before being treated but it was negative.
As soon as we got back to Fargo I was hospitalized for a week.
When I got home I did my own pregnancy test and it was positive. My first
reaction was to cry because I had had those x-rays and had taken all of that medication.
I knew it wasn't going to be good. Our baby hung on until the 12th week
before it died. Charity took the news really hard. She so wanted us to have
that baby. |
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1997
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It took until the following March for us to get pregnant again. Charity was
ecstatic. Months into the pregnancy I asked her if she would be the baby's
Godmother. She was so happy she cried. She hugged me and said, "Yes,
thanks mom." I told her that if anything ever happened to me I wanted her to
take care of the baby. She said, "I wouldn't want anyone else to."
Charity helped me get the baby's room ready. We painted
life-size characters from Winnie the Pooh and Disney on the walls and had so much
fun. She was so proud of that room that every time her friends came over to the
house she would show them.
Charity came to a couple of my doctor's appointments with me and
was there when they did the ultrasound. The technician asked us if we wanted to know
what we were having. At first I said no but Charity pleaded, "Come on.
Please, let's find out?" So we did and when he said it was a girl Charity
immediately asked, "Can we get her into ballet right away?"
I was on bed rest for the latter part of the pregnancy and
Charity wouldn't let me do anything, even folding clothes. She waited on me all the
time. She was also a basketball cheerleader at the time and when parent's night came
I refused to miss it. Charity had gotten me a card and gave it to me when we got to
the school. It was a thank-you for everything I'd done for her and I cried when I
read it.
Charity was the second person to be introduced and I walked out
to the middle of the gym floor with her. Just then I started having contractions.
When I whispered to her what was happening she said in her normal voice, "Oh
my God, mom, not here. I'll help you." So she put her arm around me and
we stood there until everyone was introduced hoping all the time no one would notice us.
She was so scared it made me laugh. |
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1997
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On November 22nd, the Saturday before Thanksgiving, I was having several
contractions. Gary was on call at the hospital and I told Charity we better get our
Christmas decorations up now because the baby was going to be coming soon. We spent
most of the day putting them up. On Sunday the contractions were coming every 20
minutes or so and I told Charity we better go to the grocery store to get some
things. She said, "You're kidding right, mom?"
Well, we went to the store and while I was standing by the
oranges a contraction came and it was a strong one. I started to do my Lamaze
breathing and Charity just freaked-out. "Oh my God, mom. Let's go,
now!!"
"Shhhh," I said, "I don't want anyone to know I'm
having contractions."
"Mom, I'm sure you're not the only pregnant woman that has
contractions at the grocery store."
After a night of no sleep I went to the hospital Monday morning
and was admitted. Charity went to school but called me several times, "When can
I come, mom? It's not everyday your mom has a baby." She got to the
hospital at 2:30 PM and helped me try to get comfortable. At 4:55 PM the doctor
said it was time. Charity's job was to hold my shoulders up. The baby was born
at 4:57 PM. Charity tried to hold her tears back but couldn't and it was so sweet to
see. She said, "I think we should name her Summer because that's my favorite
time of year." It took us a few days to decide but we did choose the name
Summer Lynn. When I told Charity, she was so proud and happy she cried again.
Charity loved to watch Summer. One day after a couple of
hours of baby sitting I came home and Charity said, "Mom, I feel like she's my own
baby."
"Good, that's how I wanted you to feel," I said.
Christmas was so special that year. In my Christmas cards
to family and friends I told everyone I was so happy it felt like heaven. |
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